We Want What We Can't Have
by lezonne
Summary: Draco never realized how much he desired her. Now he knows he can never have her. Written for the Cinema Competition, the OTP Boot Camp prompt #35, the Organization Boot Camp prompt #15, the Holiday Spirit: Christmas Boot Camp prompt #39, the Christmas Calendar Challenge #11 family and the Holiday Fic Exchange.


Written for the _Cinema Competition_ (There's Something about Mary), the _OTP Boot Camp _prompt #35 (torn), the _Organization Boot Camp _prompt #15 (vain), the _Holiday Spirit: Christmas Boot Camp _prompt #39 (stickers), the _Christmas Calendar Challenge _#11 family and the _Holiday Fic Exchange. _

Written for **hopelessheroine**! Enjoy.

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We Want What We Can't Have

_Staring at the bottom of your glass_

_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_

_But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

_~'Let Her Go' by Passenger _

When I was sixteen, I fell in love. I just didn't know it back then. But turning back the pages of my life, I can really only compare those daunting feelings to love.

When we're scared, we look to hide. Rarely do people who are afraid also turn out to be people who will stand up for something. Maybe Potter was that exception. I know she was.

Had I not been the prejudice jerk I was as a teenager, maybe there could've been a spark. But I was blinded by my racist thoughts, my upbringing, and the Death Eater's around me. Going after a muggleborn would've been the end of my life.

That and I don't really think her friends would've appreciated it either. I mean, Granger certainly wouldn't have been elated if she knew I had a thing for her, but she was never as blatant about things as her thick-headed friends.

Sometimes I would get the delusional idea that she was smiling my way. That's insane really, since I'm sure she never did that. But I can hope, right? Granger always looked for the good inside people, no matter the circumstance. Maybe she looked for the good inside me back then too.

Now we spend every day working together, and I never quite know what to expect. As journalists we report what we can, but usually I'm only half involved in the conversation. I daydream about one thing or another.

Can you imagine it, me, _daydreaming_? Granger pokes fun at me all the time.

"Are you even listening to me?"

I look up then, shooting her a smirk. "Of course."

"Malfoy you've been staring at your coffee for the past five minutes. Somehow, I seriously doubt you were listening to me all that much."

"You never know Granger, maybe I was."

"Prove it then, what was I just talking about?"

Ah, at times like these I'm torn about whether I actually fancy her or not. Granger can be so pushy at times, but I find that kind of adorable. She hates it when I bring things like that up, but I can't help myself. It's the truth.

But then again, the sixteen year old me certainly got drawn to her snooty side. No matter her blood heritage or her ability to thoroughly annoy me, I always thought it was adorable when Granger got snappy. She would ball up her fists, glare, and sometimes she taps her foot.

In some ways, she has a short temper like me. Maybe that's why we're struggling journalists.

"There you go again… zoning out on anything that I have to say. This is why we never get anything done."

"Sorry Granger… I'm very easily distracted."

She scoffed. "Like I've never heard that one before. I think you tell me the same thing every single time."

"Yes, I probably do."

Hermione sighed, tapping her quill on the table. They sat in a café, their papers spread out. Since inspiration could not strike them at the Ministry, they thought trying something new might be helpful.

"Are there stickers on your parchment?"

She blinked, glancing his way. "Yes… I was trying to be festive. And it's not like we've actually spoken or anything!"

"So you were bored?"

"More or less."

I study her as she stares at the parchment. I've found myself studying her a lot in the past few years. The war ended four years ago, but I've only been partnered with her for a little over a year. Our paths crossed in the past, stirring up old memories and feelings that I could never quite place. Now that I'm older and I've had the opportunity to actually think on my own outside my parents ways, I've come to the conclusion that I never really gave Granger- and a lot of other people- a chance. That doesn't mean that anyone is accepting the fact that I've changed. It's actually very hard to make people believe things like that.

When I was sixteen I hated Granger, but I always chanced looking at her to see if she would smile in my direction. Of course, most of the time it never worked, but it was nice to hope. In the end I should've known that her rare smile to me was nothing more than luck. No one smiled my way.

In the end, I fell for her kindness. I fell for someone who will never feel anything close to love for me, but who offered up even a flicker of kindness during my darkest days. Of course, her kindness didn't last as the days passed on, but even that initial flicker was enough to fill me with hope.

I fell for her because there was even the slightest chance that she cared about me. That's more than I can say about my parents. They truly were vain, wicked people and they only had their own personal interests in mind in the end. I'm thankful I didn't end up in Azkaban too with them. That would be a whole new form of torture.

"I think you ignore me just to get under my skin."

I shrug, biting my tongue to keep from saying anything stupid. There are a lot of things I could say to that, but instead I keep my mouth shut. I've become a sap as of late with Christmas nearing and my Manor going on empty for the fourth year in a row. A little compassion would be great, especially when I no longer have a family to do anything with. But that's not going to happen.

Granger is off limits. She is marrying the Weasel in a few months. What could I ever do about that?

"It can be fun," I say, though my voice is a little strained. For once, I would really just like her to notice me.

Just once.

_~FIN~_


End file.
